We had a bit of a rocky relationship in the beginning (no pun intended), but given what we have been through together, we are more solid than I ever could have imagined on our first date. He has been my best friend and helped me through some of the worst times. He is also the first person that I dated after divorcing my ex (lucky me!). And to my surprise, the things that I feared would make dating most challenging weren't scary to him at all. I feared that it may be difficult to find someone that could love us both as much as we deserved without judgment. I knew we were a package deal, and many men hear "single mother" or just "divorced" and run. I hoped I could find someone that would take the time to get to know us and our story to know why we were in the place we were. Someone that would see how amazing she was and maybe even think I was too.
When one of my best friends from high school set me up with this man, she told me a few things about him. She told him a few things about me too, but we each were also given some details that weren't 100% accurate accidentally. Once we spoke on the phone a couple times and cleared up the misconceptions, we set up our first date. I gave him the only time I had available at that point which was when Emma was with my ex for visitation. It was limiting, but he didn't seem discouraged. I was still a bit skeptical, but knew I had to "get back out there" at some point and try. The idea of dating seemed daunting to me given our schedule, but I knew I needed to make the effort if I wanted to find the right man for Emma and me. It had been eight years since I had been on a first date... and I had really been on only two other first dates in high school. I figured I would need practice, so I might as well start.
Our first date was far from what I expected, and I'm sure far from what he expected (at the end). We went to the Sea Life Aquarium at Grapevine Mills Mall because we both hadn't gone and he was currently in school finishing up a biology degree. While I am certainly more shy and reserved when I meet people at first, I can maintain conversations well... provided I'm given the opportunity to speak. But I really wasn't given much of a chance to during the two and a half hours we were on our date. At the end, he walked me to my car and brought up a second date. My response was something along the lines of, "Will I get to speak on that date?" After a short awkward pause, he responded and assured me that I would.
Our second date was probably way more than either of us bargained for, but was also a true testament to how comfortable he was dating a single mom. At that point, while he knew about Emma, he didn't know any details other than her name and age. I wanted to see if he and I would get along well before I added her into the mix because I did not want to expose her to anyone that I didn't feel could potentially be her step father. We went to the dog park and took my dogs (he did not have any dogs of his own at that point, but loved them and wanted some). We had a limited amount of time for this date as Emma would only be with my ex for a couple hours total. Emma came home right around the time our date ended so another moment of truth was about to happen - one I was not ready for. Thankfully, at her age at that point, she would not really remember him if things didn't work out. But I still wasn't ready for them to meet yet. My fears were quickly melted away when I saw that he didn't seem to mind that she wasn't making eye contact, holding up her head, or responding to him the way most children her age would. He didn't seem phased when I apologized for the unexpected change of plans and said he was welcome to leave if he wanted. But I was most surprised that he didn't leave. He actually stayed and talked to me while I bathed her and got her changed. When it was time to feed her, he said he would leave to give us privacy. I walked him to the door not really expecting to hear from him again, and he shocked me with a kiss and a request for a third date. At that point, it was me that had the awkward pause before responding.
Since then, he has been a supportive friend and my partner whom has been ready for the next step. I've been a little slower to dive in given that I knew it wasn't just my heart that could get broken, but his tender heart and understanding patience has been unmatched. So when he asked me the big question, I had no hesitation or awkward pause before responding.
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| Ryan, Emma, and Me |
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