Smelling Roses

It amazes me, at times, how quickly the days slip away and a month goes by without feeling it could be possible. It compounds exponentially when my professional and personal life are both much busier than usual. This month has been one of those months, but it has been a good month as well. 

On October 3rd, Emma had an appointment with her eye doctor where we decided to proceed with surgery. She has been showing improvement from her patching treatment which is so encouraging, as it makes me feel that she has a good chance at gaining more ground with the surgery that is scheduled on November 6th.

Next was my birthday which I celebrated by taking the day off work and going to a pumpkin patch on a family farm with Emma. There was a petting zoo and hayride as well, and it made for a fantastic morning. While Emma wasn't big on petting the animals that day, she has finally started to touch Peter Pan during hippotherapy. She has continued to gain strength and improve her stamina with Peter Pan during this month. She had a week where sessions were cancelled due to weather, but still has become much more willing to touch the riding equipment and even began participating in the process of getting him ready for her therapy by helping brush him.

Pumpkin patch after the hay ride and petting zoo - about to pick our pumpkins

On the 10th, I went to Emma's first transition meeting for her to start school next February when she turns three. It is interesting to me that she will be going to the same elementary school I attended. In a way, the idea that there will be some familiarity, since I'm certain it will be hard for me emotionally to have her go, is reassuring.

That weekend, my niece turned three and we went to her birthday party. We also had a play date with a couple of other children with hydrocephalus from the support group. The next week was packed at work as we had our quarterly senior managers' meeting on Thursday followed by our annual charity shoot on Friday that I'm responsible for coordinating. It is one of my favorite parts of my job because it is in memory of my late Aunt Pam and I love seeing the veterans out shooting at the event where we raise funds for different military charities. Saturday was our company fish fry where everyone at the corporate office and their families gather at my grandparents farm. Then, on Sunday evening, Emma and I joined my parents at the Denton CASA's Evening of Elegance. 

Evening of Elegance - Emma was the most beautiful one there!

Needless to say, the month has flown by and I can't believe Halloween is just a few days away. This week, we have Emma's pre-op appointment, my grandfather's 80th birthday, and a cute bat costume to dress her up in. It is months like this one that I have to remember to take time to slow down, when I have the opportunity, to catch my breath so that the things that are normally on our schedule (therapies, doctor appointments, etc.) don't get overlooked or become overwhelming. I still have room for improvement when it comes to taking breaks and time out for myself, but I've kept up my weekly volleyball games and even managed to work in a manicure and pedicure this month to treat myself.

Today, we had a few errands to run (groceries and pharmacy) and laundry to do, but I made sure to keep the rest of our day more relaxed for my little munchkin and me. We watched some things on my DVR cause it was close to full and I was behind on F1, Top Gear, and The Voice. Emma really loves music and the cars so she doesn't seem to mind if they're on during play time or meal time.

On an episode of The Voice, I heard a line that inspired me: "It encourages me to dream with my eyes open." It reminded me how important it can be to take the time to smell the roses and recognize those in my life that encourage me to dream with my eyes open. I'm grateful I have people in my life that make me feel that way. Obviously, Emma is one of them, and the one that has had the most profound effect on me. But I wouldn't be who I am today without the support my family and friends. 

Next month, I plan to make sure they each hear from me how much I appreciate them and am grateful for their love and support. It is, after all, the month to be thankful.

Hippotherapy with Peter Pan

This morning, Emma made me so proud with how well she did at hippotherapy. She completed her second ride on Peter Pan where she didn't try to get off the majority of the time. She first began hippotherapy at the end of the Spring this year and went three times before SpiritHorse shut down for the summer. Therapy started back up last month and she has gone four times, including today, so far this fall.

Last week, her therapist decided to try to use weights on her ankles to keep her from focusing on trying to pull her legs out of the stirrups - it was a success! For the first time, Emma didn't try to pull her legs up the majority of the therapy session and she spoke for the first time ever while riding. By the end of that ride, she was singing songs and talking like her normal self.

Today we worked with a new therapist as the one we normally work with had to go home due to a cold. The new therapist decided to focus more on short distance unassisted rides (only a few steps) until Emma decided she was tired. At each point, we would stop and take breaks. Emma held on to the handle of her English saddle for the first time this session and was the most engaged she has been since we started hippotherapy! We ended the session after she completed her record setting walk of twenty-one steps before she decided to lay down on Peter Pan's back for a break. I was SO proud of her!!! She was talking during therapy again and did such a great job sitting up so well.

Left to Right: Mom, Emma Lee, and Miss Jill

I am excited because I am starting to see more of her normal happy personality when she is sitting on Peter Pan and less of her uncertainty. Her tolerance to new things is still so impressive to me and it motivates me to push her to do more when I see that combined with her positive attitude. For the first time, I felt she might start enjoying her weekly rides. Perhaps Emma will even see them less as therapy and more as play time with a really big furry friend.

Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Nurses

I read a post today that made me think back to Emma's first month and all the emotions I went through every evening when I would have to go home and leave my baby in the care of amazing strangers that I trusted immediately without even knowing them. It was a letter a mother wrote to NICU Nurses. She wrote of the amazing care they gave, the knowledge they possessed, and the empathy they had for every baby they cared for. The bond that develops between the NICU Nurses and the families that they help is one that changes them. I know, because it changed me.

While I hated leaving Emma at the NICU each night to go home to take care of my dogs and sleep, it was a weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that the Nurses caring for her in my absence were the best people I could hope for. They had years of experience I didn't, knowledge about how to respond to her that I would learn, and a medical team to help if any emergency arose. She was in the safest place for her until she was strong enough to come home with me. I asked countless questions and did my best to be a sponge and soak up as much of the knowledge they shared that I could. Every day I was there with my daughter, I was learning from the best teachers how to care for my baby girl.

During one of the most emotional times in my entire life, when I found myself scared, excited, and unsure all at the same time, I was inspired by the strength, courage, and amazing hearts the Nurses had every day for every child they cared for. Like the mother that wrote the post, I too saw babies that didn't leave the NICU to go home with their families. I saw the pain the Nurses felt when there was one less bed in the pod then the last time I was there. Since Emma was in the first bed of the critical pod at the front of the NICU, I saw it more times than I care to remember. But, I also saw the joy they had when one of their babies was discharged and able to go home with their family. You could see on their faces how much that motivated them to keep going.

When the day came that Emma was to be discharged, I was nervous because she was going to lose her medical team that could handle any issue that arose without hesitation or uncertainty. I was going to have to pick up where they left off with only about a month of experience and without a team on standby in the next room. But during her last twenty-four hours in the NICU, I stayed with her the entire time and she was able to do something she had yet to achieve before then - she drank all of her thickened breast milk by bottle without having to be tube fed any of it. She showed me she was strong enough, with the support I gave her, to come home and start living her life with me. I believe it was her strength coupled with the support of her Nurses that made us such a great team. Without both, the doubt I had that we could duplicate such a feat every day moving forward would not have instantly melted away when I walked her into her home for the first time and told her she made it. 

So I want to say a special thank you to the NICU Nurses at Medical City Children's - you have touched my heart in a way unlike any other before you. You gave me hope to overcome my uncertainty. You gave me courage to overcome my fears. You gave me skills to overcome my insecurities. But most of all, you gave me the time to heal and the confidence to be a better mother than I thought I could be. Emma and I are both better off because of you.